I remember my first heartbreak like it was yesterday.

I spent nights upon nights bawling my eyes out. 

The rejection stung so bad I almost had a heart attack. He was a guy I truly liked, but I felt hurt to know I wasn't good enough for him.

It took years before I got over it. But it wouldn't have taken that long if I knew what I knew today. 

If you want to truly heal from a breakup, don’t just ask your heart.

Check your daily habits.

Because grief doesn’t always scream, sometimes it whispers in how you scroll, sleep, speak to yourself.

I'll be your big sister, and walk you through those small signals, those daily habits that sabotage your healing and then plot your escape route from heartbreak mode.

9 Ways To Get Over A Breakup 

 1. You Stalk Them Like The FBI

You know the one. 

You wake up, reach for your phone, and your fingers automatically tap their name on Instagram.

The weird part was I had blocked him, but I would occasionally unlock him so I could ‘see’ what was going on in his life. 

This guy was practically living rent free in my mind. 

Why do we have the urge to check on our exes even when we know it's over? 

Because it’s not about them anymore; it’s about you, stuck in limbo.

You need to start closing your tabs on your ex. 

I know it's easier said than done, but you can't keep giving someone free rein over your heart like that.

Start small though. Set a “no-checking after pm” rule. Reward yourself if need be.

Force a friction step. Block, unfollow, hide, anything go get them off your space. 

Make it hard for you to check them out. 

 

2. You Overanalyze A Random Text

You've spent weeks or months without contact, going on with your life without drama.

All of a sudden, you get a ‘hey’ from your ex.

Just hey, and all your healing seems to unravel.

What does hey mean?

Was it casual? Serious? A mistake?

A subtle insinuation to get back together?

Your mind goes on an overdrive.

All the feelings you've buried stirs up again. 

And your lovesick mind brings up memories from the past.

Before you enter your obsession streak, break that loop by not responding. 

Write your answers in your journal. You can set a timer for 5 minutes and journal your thoughts. 

After time’s up, move on.

3. You Sleep to Escape The Pain

Sleep comes easily to me and it's one of my escape plans when I'm stressed or exhausted.

If you're trying to get over a breakup, you may find yourself crawling into bed early, pulling the covers over your head just to avoid feeling.

Sleep is sacred, but turning it into an anesthetic isn’t healing.

You need to confront your feelings, not avoid it. 

Start by labeling your feelings

 “I feel sad,” 

“I feel angry,” 

“I feel lonely.” 

Calling it gives you power over it.

For 10 minutes before bed, write just 3 lines: 

“Today I felt ____. I allowed it.” 

Then close the notebook and try to get restful sleep 

(No doom-scrolling before bed).

 4. You Stay Quiet During Conversations

One of the most awkward phases when healing is talking about a breakup with your loved ones.

There's this shame to discuss something that you flaunted before them.

You sit with friends or family, and silence stretches. 

Maybe you’re waiting for them to ask. 

Maybe you feel you have nothing real to say.

Silence can be sacred or it can be a barricade.

Let silence be neutral. When you’re ready, you’ll fill it with something real.

Talking can be therapeutic but start small. 

Practice small talk again. Ask someone about their day. 

Share one unfiltered line: “I’m okay, but some days are hard.” You don’t owe them a full novel.

5. You Keep Seeing Them On Social Media

You scroll on IG and see them tagged in memories.

You go to Facebook, and the annoying algorithm brings back memories you thought you forgot. 

You hear their name in comments, and slide down that rabbit hole of regret.

It seems social media is conspiring to keep you in pain.

Listen, you have power over the algorithm. 

Your feeds should be your sanctuary, not your torment.

Mute mutual friends’ posts temporarily. 

Create new playlists, take new photos, save new memes for you.

Make your online space a healing home.

 6. You Keep Fantasizing Different Scenarios

I can't count the number of times I replayed certain events in my past relationship.

I kept thinking of what I could have done better or if I could have ended it earlier.

Like me, you’re probably mentally rewriting your relationship.

“If I were her, I’d never do that,” 

or “If he comes back… maybe we….”

But your future should not be the echo of your past. 

It must be new.

Stop drafting scripts about “what if they return.” 

There's a reason they left so redirect those energies into you.

Here's something I want you to do: 

Write a “New Me, 6 Months From Now” letter. 

There should be no mention of them. Only you. Then fold it, date it, seal it.

 7. You Isolate To ‘Protect’ Yourself 

I'm not an outgoing person, but after that heart break, I stayed indoors for weeks.

The couch was my comfort and the TV my bestie.

Deep down, I was afraid I would run into him.

How ridiculous! We lived in different states, so what were the odds we would meet?

You're probably doing the same.

Cancelling invites. 

Telling people “I’m okay” when you’re clearly not. 

Hiding in your apartment and hoping time just passes you by.

But honey, healing thrives in companionship, in light, in laughter.

It's what helped me (eventually) during that tough moment.

So, reach out even if your voice wobbles. Let others in.

You don't have to feel like it.

Text someone: “I don’t need advice, just your voice.” 

And then let them speak.

  8. You Neglect Yourself 

Self-neglect is the worst thing you can do at this point. 

You betray yourself when you stop caring for your hair, your skin, your clothes. 

Because it feels… meaningless.

Or because you've attached your self-care to that special someone you once had.

And I get it!

A bad breakup can leave you cocooned in pain you have zero desire to do anything else.

No hobbies, partying or even your morning routine.

But it's no excuse to self-abandon. 

Your self-care should primarily be for You whether you have a special someone in your life or not. 

If you're going through a breakup, you're wounded and self care can hasten your healing process. 

It did for me, although at first, it felt like a chore. 

See, the day you start showing up for yourself (even in small ways), is the day you begin reclaiming.

You start to feel in control of your life again.

So get up. 

Brush your hair. Wear something that feels you. Take a 10-minute walk.

Make a “mini self-care list:” 3 things you’ll do just for you today (make tea, stretch, stare out a window). 

Check them off.

 

9. You Keep Wishing They’d Just Fix It

You think: if only they called, if only they apologized, things would reset.

You've fantasized about this too many times to count.

But the call never comes.

(At least not when you want)

But my dear, healing doesn’t wait on someone else. It’s a journey you carry for yourself. 

It's true that a sincere apology can speed things up, but what if it never comes.

The longer you depend on someone to heal, the longer the delay. 

If they eventually return, you’ll be stronger. If they don’t, you’ll be free.

Repeat this to yourself: “My healing is my responsibility.” 

Write it. Say it. Anchor in it.

You know you're healing when these bad habits are no longer a part of you

When days pass and you don't have the urge to check their profile.

When you spend an evening gisting with a good friend.

When mornings come and you look in the mirror and feel great about yourself.

It's not going to be an overnight healing.

But every time you choose small healing over big despair, that’s a win.

You won’t lose your mind.

Instead, you’ll reclaim your heart.