Doing These 5 Things Made Me A More Confident Woman

I've not always been a confident person. 

I missed out on opportunities because I didn't believe I deserved them. 

Part of this was thanks to the bad habits I had nurtured over time. These habits sabotaged any success I wanted and made me feel small.

But, I got fed up being the wallflower in my story when I was born to be the main character. 

This led me to adopt habits that not only increased my self esteem but made me enjoy life. 

Here are five of them.

1. I Started Doing Things Before I Felt Ready

One of the biggest struggles I've had is depending on my feelings to get things done. 

I felt the need to learn more, get more clarity, or wait for better conditions. 

But life showed me that waiting to feel ready is the perfect excuse to procrastinate.

By the time I was in the mood to start, it was often too late already. Someone else would have done it and taken the opportunity while I was still overthinking. 

I saw people with lesser capacities take on what I was late to do and get all the results. 

So I stayed stuck. 

When I saw someone achieve something I wanted, my heart would sting with a painful reminder of possibilities I had missed.

One day, I fired my feelings from the driver's seat. 

I was going to do what I needed to whether I felt like it or not. My feelings would have to catch up with me. 

And if they didn't, at least I wouldn't have to deal with the regret of not trying. 

At first, nothing seemed to change, but soon I found myself waking up feeling fulfilled. 

Inside me was a quiet confidence quickly growing. 

And boy, I love it when my own soul validates me.

2. I Paid Attention to How I Carried Myself

Whether you like it or not, we are judged before we speak. 

Our presence, aura and physical appeal do the talking before we say a single word. 

It's unfair but that's the world we live in. 

Instead of fighting it, I chose to play the game to my advantage.

It started with my posture. At first, I didn't notice I was always shrinking. 

I slouched, avoided eye contact and even backed myself into corners because I didn't want to be noticed. So I made small adjustments.

Next came my appearance. I learned about my body shape and skin tones. I began to curate clothes that fit my lifestyle and chose colors that made me pop rather than washing me out.

I've also learned how to slow down when walking. Sometimes it's not easy when the sun is beating down or I have a thousand things on my plate, but it makes a difference. 

I worked on my hygiene too. Gosh, I'm obsessed with smelling good and I’ve learned how to layer scents so I smell delicious all day. 

When I started looking great, walking tall, and smelling fabulous, my confidence grew.

3. I Stopped Being So Hard on Myself

I'm such a go-getter. 

I like to achieve things no matter how big or small. 

So when I'm yet to complete something, I feel a weight settle on my chest. 

I'll start criticizing myself for not doing the right thing. I might even start comparing myself to people who I thought made more progress.

I didn’t realize how much my inner voice was affecting me until I actually listened to it. 

It was harsh and unforgiving. Definitely not the way I would talk to a sibling or friend if they made a mistake. 

I would downplay anything I did well and focus only on what I didn’t do right. 

No wonder my confidence was in the bin.

As I became more self-aware, I chose to be kind to myself. 

I'm human. I'll fall short sometimes even with the best systems in place. Now when I make a mistake, I look at it with a critical eye to find out why and put more structures in place to make sure it doesn't repeat. 

And when it does, I choose to focus on the wins. 

While I sometimes still self-blame, I cut myself some slack. After all, I'm not Wonder Woman.

4. I Did the Things I Kept Avoiding

There were always small things I kept putting off. 

Sending a message. Starting something new. Finishing something I already began. 

Avoiding them felt good at first until the guilt started to pile up. 

Every time I avoided something, my mind would tell me I couldn’t handle it.

I hated when I questioned my own capacity, so I had to ask myself why I was running. 

I found out I avoided doing anything I felt was either too "easy" to matter or too hard to face. 

So I adopted the "Now" mindset. If I have to do it, I choose now. 

I also set a 5-minute alarm just to get started. 

Before I knew it, I started beating deadlines. 

Every time I followed through, I felt a shift, like, "Okay, I can actually do this." 

That feeling adds up. 

Confidence grows when you stop avoiding your own life.

5. I Kept Small Promises to Myself

I used to make plans with myself all the time and they ended up in the mud. 

I'd tell myself I'd do it later or start tomorrow. 

Something that should have taken a minute would take an hour. 

It started small, but each broken promise was a dent in my integrity. 

Soon, every word felt like a lie as every broken promise chipped away at my self-trust.

I hated feeling like someone who cannot trust herself to do the simplest things. 

So I started small. If I said I’d do something, I did it. I made sure it wasn't a big, daunting promise, I mean, there's no point setting myself up to fail.

Whether it was just brushing my teeth or reaching out to someone, I made sure I did it. 

I also got myself an accountability partner to keep me in check.

Soon I started trusting myself again. 

Just knowing that you can rely on yourself is a flex. 

Looking back, I didn't have to do anything extreme, or else I would have given up. 

The change I needed didn't happen at once. It took giving myself a chance again when I fell short. 

I'm still not perfect, but I'm a better version of myself.

It's your turn. What 

is one small promise you can keep to yourself in the next ten minutes? 

Start there.