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You don’t mean to be the wet blanket in your relationship.
You’re just expressive and emotional.
Even honest, or maybe too honest for your own good.
Yet, that's exactly what's suffocating your partner.
You can't figure out why they're no longer chatty with you. They just seem too tired or impatient when you talk to them.
You've tried excusing it but your heart of hearts tell you it's not life lifing.
You may be the problem, and these signs below confirm it.
7 Signs You May Be Emotionally Draining Your Partner
1. You lean on them for emotional regulation.
I get you.
Your partner makes you feel safe enough to talk about anything and everything.
Because they’ve shown they are committed to you for better or for worse.
And you've gotten so used to this that you don't realize you're crossing a line.
If your partner is the only space you vent to, they can get overwhelmed.
Or where do you think your emotions go after telling them?
Yes, your emotions can be transferred.
Don't believe me?
Haven't you seen those videos where a gloomy person enters a room, and the whole vibe changes like bad weather?
So, if every time you're sad, they must make you happy.
If your peace depends on their response, or your mood rises or falls based on how they show up, dear, you're draining your partner.
And soon, your relationship will shift from partnership to pressure.
Your partner may begin to feel like they’re responsible for keeping you stable.
And honestly, that’s too stressful for anyone to carry.
I'm not saying your partner can't be your rock.
In fact, if there's no emotional support, I wonder what kind of relationship you have.
But they shouldn't have to hold the entire emotional weight of your life.
Too much emotional dependence can drain intimacy, and trust me, you don't want to be the partner that sucked the life out of the relationship.
Related reading:
4 Emotional Skills You Must Master Before You Commit to a Spouse
2. You turn every conversation into a problem.
Heavy sigh!
There's nothing more draining than being around someone who always complains.
Yes, we know struggles should be shared.
After all, a problem shared is half solved, right?
But if every conversation became a complaining session, you're killing the connection in your relationship.
I mean, how can we be talking about how the day went, and somehow it becomes a list of everything that went wrong.
Or your partner just checks up on you only for you to start nagging about your saucy boss.
You can't even laugh for a second because you're carrying the weight of the world.
See, life is already hard if you're not a nepo baby, so why must you turn every chitchat to a therapy session?
If every conversation you've had with your partner is a venting session, my dear, you're emotionally draining.
I'm not saying your feelings don't matter but every healthy relationship also needs some humour.
So honey, breathe!
3. You vent often but rarely ask about their wellbeing.
It's so easy to get caught up in your emotions when you feel stressed or overwhelmed.
You're not selfish, at least, not intentionally.
What happens is, when you're in your feelings, your partner's emotions take a backseat. Your partner is now the strong one who has to listen to your tales of woe.
And that’s draining.
Your partner needs emotional care too.
When was the last time you asked them how they were doing?
When last did you have a conversation where they only expressed themselves without it pivoting back to you?
See, if one person has to be the burden bearer for your problems, they'll start feeling invisible.
And once that happens, you'll become the stressor they avoid.
4. You struggle to self-soothe.
It demands you sit with discomfort, regulate your feelings, and bring yourself back to balance instead of expecting your partner to do it.
When you struggle to self-soothe, every emotion feels urgent.
In fact, your partner is on your emotional speed dial.
If they're caught up with work or can't respond as fast as you want, you get into crisis mode.
That’s exhausting!
Look, no one, and I mean no human was designed to regulate another adult’s emotions long-term.
It's unfair if your partner can't rest because you can't regulate your emotions.
This is not to say you should ignore your feelings and pretend everything is fine.
You only need to learn how to process your feelings without the immediate need for someone to comfort you.
Your partner can and should support you, but don't make them your only coping mechanism.
5. You’re emotionally unavailable.
It's the only way some people learned to survive: by shutting down, and handling things alone.
But your emotional unavailability is sabotaging your relationship.
I mean, why are you with someone you cannot share your deepest thoughts with?
And no, don't tell me you go on dates, send birthday gifts or got some bomb ass surprise for your anniversary.
I'm talking about you being emotionally present while doing what's expected.
Going through the motions, while your heart is somewhere else waters down the connection.
You need to start sharing your deepest fears, or hurts.
You need to stop avoiding deep conversations because it triggers you.
Why should your partner get the surface version of you?
Most likely, they feel your distance and when they don't know the pressures you face, they're left to do the emotional work.
They'll chat you up, or make video calls to talk to you about their day.
If you keep resisting, soon, they'll get tired and tired people quit.
So if you want real intimacy, you have to be vulnerable.
And you don't need to be perfect to do this.
Related reading:
The 6 Signs of an Emotionally Immature Man (That Women Often Miss)
6. You resist solutions but repeat the same complaints.
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Have you ever met someone who never stops complaining, but the moment you offer advice, you hear “it won't work”, “you don't understand”?
Yet they repeatedly complain about the same thing.
I know there's a place for expressing yourself, but if you keep talking about a problem, your partner will naturally want to help out.
And if you keep shutting down their advice, they'll only get frustrated. They'll feel their support doesn't matter and stop giving you solutions altogether.
It's ok to vent, but if you're not ready to change the outcome, it's pointless to bring it up.
If this is you, it’s worth pausing to ask yourself:
“Do I want support, or do I just want to stay in the pain?”
If you keep talking about your struggles but never allow your partner to help, they'll start feeling helpless, and emotionally tired.
You need to be willing to try one imperfect solution.
Don't be the reason your partner becomes fed up with you.
7. You expect constant reassurance.
I love how my partner affirms me.😍
How his big arms swallow me up in a goofy, bear hug.
Jeez!!! I live for the gentle way he pats my head when I’m upset about something.
And when he tells me how beautiful I am, I feel like I'm about to burst into a thousand butterflies.
Gosh! I live for that man’s validation.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Wanting tenderness doesn’t make you needy.
I mean, who doesn't want to feel loved out loud?
But it becomes a problem when you start to depend on it instead of enjoy it.
Or when you feel anxious because your partner got too busy to make you feel secure.
Slowly, your partner will feel like they’re responsible for your emotional stability.
Even if they reassure you a thousand times, love will start feeling like a burden instead of a gift.
And that is too emotionally draining for anyone to do.
I'm not saying there won't be moments of doubt.
But it's possible your partner can love you deeply and still not always have the emotional energy to pour into you endlessly.